I got this comment from MyCommentCodes.com
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Monday, April 7, 2008
You know you drink too much when.....
*Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
*The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
*The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar
*When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof?
*You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Hotties.
*You have a "happy hour" at home
*When you are sober, people ask you what's wrong?
*You spend all night making a board game called Alcohol Land
*Although you drove home the other night you can't remember how you got home or where you parked your car
* "Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol.
*Your favorite drink is ethanol.
*"Why does everybody think I have a prinking droblem?! - I don't have a prinking droblem!" "I don't have a drinking prob..pleb..prub.. *hic* Pash me another, tarbender.
*You can spend a whole night holding up walls to prevent their (your) collapse.
*You instinctively know where the alcohol is in a store you've never been in before
*Clubs raise their drink prices because you haven't attended in a while
*You think beer and ramen make a good breakfast
*You frequently urinate outdoors.
*When you first wake up and you're afraid you're gonna die and a half-hour later you're afraid you won't.
*You believe that spilling a beer is alcohol abuse.
*You go to the john to hurl, but you take your beer with you.
*You find it's easier to study drunk.
*You're on a first name basis at the detoxification center.
*Beer ads make sense.
*You wake up to the sound of your dog drinking out of the toilet and you're so dry that it sounds mighty thirst quenching.
*You wake the next morning and start drinking a few of the half empties left sitting around the room. (AHEM STEVEN!...)
*The space on your driver's license that tells your eye color reads "bloodshot".
*You fall down a flight of steps and DON'T spill a drop of your beer.
*You mix your cocktails by the litre.
*You grow a beard because it stops beer that's running down your chin.
*You put off urinating in hopes of reaching that near orgasmic Zen-like piss.
*When the bottle says 20 standard drinks but you only get 5.
*You spell Alcohol with a capital letter out of respect
*You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
*You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth
*Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes.
*24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
*Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
*"Norm!" is what they say when you enter the bar.
*You can focus better with one eye closed
*Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
*Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore.
*The glass keeps missing your mouth.
*At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
*Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer.
*You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.
*Every night you're beginning to find your roomate's cat more and more attractive.
*If you're on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for alcohol calories.
*"Take me drunk, I'm home!"
*You drink to get over a hangover.
*You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who drink too much
*The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
*The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar
*When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof?
*You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Hotties.
*You have a "happy hour" at home
*When you are sober, people ask you what's wrong?
*You spend all night making a board game called Alcohol Land
*Although you drove home the other night you can't remember how you got home or where you parked your car
* "Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol.
*Your favorite drink is ethanol.
*"Why does everybody think I have a prinking droblem?! - I don't have a prinking droblem!" "I don't have a drinking prob..pleb..prub.. *hic* Pash me another, tarbender.
*You can spend a whole night holding up walls to prevent their (your) collapse.
*You instinctively know where the alcohol is in a store you've never been in before
*Clubs raise their drink prices because you haven't attended in a while
*You think beer and ramen make a good breakfast
*You frequently urinate outdoors.
*When you first wake up and you're afraid you're gonna die and a half-hour later you're afraid you won't.
*You believe that spilling a beer is alcohol abuse.
*You go to the john to hurl, but you take your beer with you.
*You find it's easier to study drunk.
*You're on a first name basis at the detoxification center.
*Beer ads make sense.
*You wake up to the sound of your dog drinking out of the toilet and you're so dry that it sounds mighty thirst quenching.
*You wake the next morning and start drinking a few of the half empties left sitting around the room. (AHEM STEVEN!...)
*The space on your driver's license that tells your eye color reads "bloodshot".
*You fall down a flight of steps and DON'T spill a drop of your beer.
*You mix your cocktails by the litre.
*You grow a beard because it stops beer that's running down your chin.
*You put off urinating in hopes of reaching that near orgasmic Zen-like piss.
*When the bottle says 20 standard drinks but you only get 5.
*You spell Alcohol with a capital letter out of respect
*You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
*You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth
*Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes.
*24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
*Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
*"Norm!" is what they say when you enter the bar.
*You can focus better with one eye closed
*Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
*Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore.
*The glass keeps missing your mouth.
*At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
*Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer.
*You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.
*Every night you're beginning to find your roomate's cat more and more attractive.
*If you're on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for alcohol calories.
*"Take me drunk, I'm home!"
*You drink to get over a hangover.
*You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who drink too much
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Family Feud
1) Something you might find under the seat of a car:
a lighter
2) Excuse someone would use to get out of work:
sick
3) Reason a couple would want to get married:
LOVE
4) Something you would find in a bathroom:
some good pills maybe?
5) A phrase with the word "Show" in it:
"Show me the money"
6) Something you would buy in a hurry:
batteries
7) Another name for sex:
the dirty dirty
8) Something a person would prefer to have hot:
coffee
9) A reason a person would break up with their boyfriend/girlfriend:
cheaters
10)Something you have to sit down to do:
shit
11)Why an older woman might prefer a younger man:
someone to keep up with her
12)Reason you would wear a helmet:
riding a motorcycle
13)Reason a person would use a computer:
to post this blog
14)Reason a person would go to the doctor:
sick
15)Something you would find at a bar:
liquor
16)What a woman might buy before a date:
a negligee
17)Something that requires batteries:
um the kids aquariums (once a week)
a lighter
2) Excuse someone would use to get out of work:
sick
3) Reason a couple would want to get married:
LOVE
4) Something you would find in a bathroom:
some good pills maybe?
5) A phrase with the word "Show" in it:
"Show me the money"
6) Something you would buy in a hurry:
batteries
7) Another name for sex:
the dirty dirty
8) Something a person would prefer to have hot:
coffee
9) A reason a person would break up with their boyfriend/girlfriend:
cheaters
10)Something you have to sit down to do:
shit
11)Why an older woman might prefer a younger man:
someone to keep up with her
12)Reason you would wear a helmet:
riding a motorcycle
13)Reason a person would use a computer:
to post this blog
14)Reason a person would go to the doctor:
sick
15)Something you would find at a bar:
liquor
16)What a woman might buy before a date:
a negligee
17)Something that requires batteries:
um the kids aquariums (once a week)
Monday, February 4, 2008
Just for fun, here's another one....
Think about how you would answer these questions and comment with them...
1. Would you bang your neighbor?--nope
2. What describes your relationship status?--I'm married
3. Where are you?-- at my house
4. What's the last movie you've seen?-- I am legend
5. Do you live with your parents?-- no i am a parent
6. What is your middle name?-- Kim
7. Who have you talked to most today?-- Jason
8. Do you carve pumpkins every year?-- hell yah
9. Color of your underwear?-- hold up.......black and hot pink
10. Color of your shirt?-- periwinkle
11. How many years have you taken a language?-- well i've been to many spanish speaking countries, but not for a whole year (i wish)
12. Who's on speed dial 2? 5? 7?-- lisa bevilaqa, fallon glover, and dad
14. Do you wish on 11:11?-- um i always miss it now
15. Good advice if you ever go camping?-- make sure you bring enough fun stuff and beer and blankets and pillows to last the entire night.
16. Are you a bad influence?-- not so much anymore, but every now and again i have fun
17. Do you enjoy Diet Rockstars?--no
18. Rather have your name or your siblings name?--um gee, Thomas James or Kristin Kimberly.......hmmm that's a tough one seeing as how I am a GIRL
19. Would you do anything for someone else?-- of course, it depends
20. Have you ever been called a bitch?-- Yes always
21. Best Friend?-- Aubree Lundie
22. Do you use smiley faces on the computer?-- Yeah! cool, isn't it?
23. What song is on?-- none
24. Are your grades good?-- Yes i am on the deans list
25. Do you ever think people hate you for filling this out?-- ?i dunno? oh don't care either
27. Does your best friend have a myspace?-- yes
28. Whose page did you visit last?-- Roddrick's
29. Last time you went out to lunch?-- can't remember
30. What is to the right of you?--the remote
31. Who is your favorite character from Friends?--rachel
33. Do you have one or more Britney Spears CD?--Sadly enough i own 3
34.What did you do last night?-- sat in bed watching the boob tube cuz I am sick
35. Are you a Lost fanatic?--no way
37. Do you have a song by Ozzy Osbourne in your library?-- nope
38. iPod or Zune?-- niether i am always home with the stereo on and my cell phone has an mp3 player
39. Do you watch Family Guy regularly?--when its on yah
40. King of the Hill?-- not so much
41. Do you read trashy romance novels often?--never read
42. Do you sing obnoxiously in the car?-- yes and dance too
44. Do you ever sing obnoxiously in the shower?-- sometimes.
45. What's in your CD player right now?-- fleetwood mac
46. Have you ever pretended your crush was with you?-- no
53. Are you ever a freak about cleanliness or organization?-- no wish i was though
54. Have you ever been to South America or Africa?..-- Aruba
55. Do you know how to knit?-- no
57. Have you ever written love song lyrics yourself and put them on myspace?-- no
59. When you open your closet, what is the dominant color?-- dark colors
60. Baskin Robbins or Coldstone?-- coldstone for sure
61. Physics or chemistry?-- Chemistry
64. R-rated or G-rated movies?-- R-rated i'm a grown up
65. Walk or Run?-- walk.
66. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, or Star Wars?-- Harry Potter.
67. Fly or road trip?-- Fly.
68. Batman, Spiderman, or Superman??-- Batman
69. What's your favorite Disney movie?--the Little Mermaid
1. Would you bang your neighbor?--nope
2. What describes your relationship status?--I'm married
3. Where are you?-- at my house
4. What's the last movie you've seen?-- I am legend
5. Do you live with your parents?-- no i am a parent
6. What is your middle name?-- Kim
7. Who have you talked to most today?-- Jason
8. Do you carve pumpkins every year?-- hell yah
9. Color of your underwear?-- hold up.......black and hot pink
10. Color of your shirt?-- periwinkle
11. How many years have you taken a language?-- well i've been to many spanish speaking countries, but not for a whole year (i wish)
12. Who's on speed dial 2? 5? 7?-- lisa bevilaqa, fallon glover, and dad
14. Do you wish on 11:11?-- um i always miss it now
15. Good advice if you ever go camping?-- make sure you bring enough fun stuff and beer and blankets and pillows to last the entire night.
16. Are you a bad influence?-- not so much anymore, but every now and again i have fun
17. Do you enjoy Diet Rockstars?--no
18. Rather have your name or your siblings name?--um gee, Thomas James or Kristin Kimberly.......hmmm that's a tough one seeing as how I am a GIRL
19. Would you do anything for someone else?-- of course, it depends
20. Have you ever been called a bitch?-- Yes always
21. Best Friend?-- Aubree Lundie
22. Do you use smiley faces on the computer?-- Yeah! cool, isn't it?
23. What song is on?-- none
24. Are your grades good?-- Yes i am on the deans list
25. Do you ever think people hate you for filling this out?-- ?i dunno? oh don't care either
27. Does your best friend have a myspace?-- yes
28. Whose page did you visit last?-- Roddrick's
29. Last time you went out to lunch?-- can't remember
30. What is to the right of you?--the remote
31. Who is your favorite character from Friends?--rachel
33. Do you have one or more Britney Spears CD?--Sadly enough i own 3
34.What did you do last night?-- sat in bed watching the boob tube cuz I am sick
35. Are you a Lost fanatic?--no way
37. Do you have a song by Ozzy Osbourne in your library?-- nope
38. iPod or Zune?-- niether i am always home with the stereo on and my cell phone has an mp3 player
39. Do you watch Family Guy regularly?--when its on yah
40. King of the Hill?-- not so much
41. Do you read trashy romance novels often?--never read
42. Do you sing obnoxiously in the car?-- yes and dance too
44. Do you ever sing obnoxiously in the shower?-- sometimes.
45. What's in your CD player right now?-- fleetwood mac
46. Have you ever pretended your crush was with you?-- no
53. Are you ever a freak about cleanliness or organization?-- no wish i was though
54. Have you ever been to South America or Africa?..-- Aruba
55. Do you know how to knit?-- no
57. Have you ever written love song lyrics yourself and put them on myspace?-- no
59. When you open your closet, what is the dominant color?-- dark colors
60. Baskin Robbins or Coldstone?-- coldstone for sure
61. Physics or chemistry?-- Chemistry
64. R-rated or G-rated movies?-- R-rated i'm a grown up
65. Walk or Run?-- walk.
66. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, or Star Wars?-- Harry Potter.
67. Fly or road trip?-- Fly.
68. Batman, Spiderman, or Superman??-- Batman
69. What's your favorite Disney movie?--the Little Mermaid
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Think before you speak...
Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak
FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with mens balls"
THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY: While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with mens balls"
THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY: While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
