You know you drink too much when.....

*Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

*The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

*The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar

*When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof?

*You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Hotties.

*You have a "happy hour" at home

*When you are sober, people ask you what's wrong?

*You spend all night making a board game called Alcohol Land

*Although you drove home the other night you can't remember how you got home or where you parked your car

* "Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol.

*Your favorite drink is ethanol.

*"Why does everybody think I have a prinking droblem?! - I don't have a prinking droblem!" "I don't have a drinking prob..pleb..prub.. *hic* Pash me another, tarbender.

*You can spend a whole night holding up walls to prevent their (your) collapse.

*You instinctively know where the alcohol is in a store you've never been in before

*Clubs raise their drink prices because you haven't attended in a while

*You think beer and ramen make a good breakfast

*You frequently urinate outdoors.

*When you first wake up and you're afraid you're gonna die and a half-hour later you're afraid you won't.

*You believe that spilling a beer is alcohol abuse.

*You go to the john to hurl, but you take your beer with you.

*You find it's easier to study drunk.

*You're on a first name basis at the detoxification center.

*Beer ads make sense.

*You wake up to the sound of your dog drinking out of the toilet and you're so dry that it sounds mighty thirst quenching.

*You wake the next morning and start drinking a few of the half empties left sitting around the room. (AHEM STEVEN!...)

*The space on your driver's license that tells your eye color reads "bloodshot".

*You fall down a flight of steps and DON'T spill a drop of your beer.

*You mix your cocktails by the litre.

*You grow a beard because it stops beer that's running down your chin.

*You put off urinating in hopes of reaching that near orgasmic Zen-like piss.

*When the bottle says 20 standard drinks but you only get 5.

*You spell Alcohol with a capital letter out of respect

*You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

*You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth

*Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes.

*24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!

*Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!

*"Norm!" is what they say when you enter the bar.

*You can focus better with one eye closed

*Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

*Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore.

*The glass keeps missing your mouth.

*At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."

*Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer.

*You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.

*Every night you're beginning to find your roomate's cat more and more attractive.

*If you're on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for alcohol calories.

*"Take me drunk, I'm home!"

*You drink to get over a hangover.

*You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who drink too much