*Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
*The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
*The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar
*When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof?
*You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Hotties.
*You have a "happy hour" at home
*When you are sober, people ask you what's wrong?
*You spend all night making a board game called Alcohol Land
*Although you drove home the other night you can't remember how you got home or where you parked your car
* "Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol.
*Your favorite drink is ethanol.
*"Why does everybody think I have a prinking droblem?! - I don't have a prinking droblem!" "I don't have a drinking prob..pleb..prub.. *hic* Pash me another, tarbender.
*You can spend a whole night holding up walls to prevent their (your) collapse.
*You instinctively know where the alcohol is in a store you've never been in before
*Clubs raise their drink prices because you haven't attended in a while
*You think beer and ramen make a good breakfast
*You frequently urinate outdoors.
*When you first wake up and you're afraid you're gonna die and a half-hour later you're afraid you won't.
*You believe that spilling a beer is alcohol abuse.
*You go to the john to hurl, but you take your beer with you.
*You find it's easier to study drunk.
*You're on a first name basis at the detoxification center.
*Beer ads make sense.
*You wake up to the sound of your dog drinking out of the toilet and you're so dry that it sounds mighty thirst quenching.
*You wake the next morning and start drinking a few of the half empties left sitting around the room. (AHEM STEVEN!...)
*The space on your driver's license that tells your eye color reads "bloodshot".
*You fall down a flight of steps and DON'T spill a drop of your beer.
*You mix your cocktails by the litre.
*You grow a beard because it stops beer that's running down your chin.
*You put off urinating in hopes of reaching that near orgasmic Zen-like piss.
*When the bottle says 20 standard drinks but you only get 5.
*You spell Alcohol with a capital letter out of respect
*You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
*You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth
*Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes.
*24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
*Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
*"Norm!" is what they say when you enter the bar.
*You can focus better with one eye closed
*Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
*Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore.
*The glass keeps missing your mouth.
*At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
*Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer.
*You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.
*Every night you're beginning to find your roomate's cat more and more attractive.
*If you're on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for alcohol calories.
*"Take me drunk, I'm home!"
*You drink to get over a hangover.
*You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who drink too much
Monday, April 7, 2008
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